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Poetry




Unspoken And Oppressed Within by Cynara Moore This poem describes every person in America who succumbs to emulating the latest ... [165 words]
In Loving Memory Of Perfection...... by Cynara Moore It shows how a persons love for another can blind them from the many imper... [224 words]
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Visions(Ix) by Eyitemi Egwuenu - [83 words]
The Passage by Eyitemi Egwuenu A transition to a new phase of the poetic vision. [134 words]
The Mirror Of Me by Sharon Lynn Willis This poem puts it out there! Raw emotion. Questions of knowing one's self. [161 words]
The Maze by Eyitemi Egwuenu - [76 words]
The Harbinger's Herald by Daniel Birnbaum An attempt to bring some perspective to a nation once again embarking upon imperialism..... [192 words]
The Forward Thinker by Sasu Felling a bit ambitious tonight. [166 words]
The Dreaded Word by Just A Guy Dusted this off, made a few changes. I really don't recommend using the word guys. [88 words]
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Roachtrap by D G Williford Like sticky glue the roach is caught! [125 words]
Reawakening by Eyitemi Egwuenu - [72 words]
People by Rae A little mindlessness. [41 words]
Pastimes by B Galindo - [124 words]
Passing Through Heaven's Door by David B Doc Byron A dedication to the late Warren Zevon [161 words]
On The Wings Of Psyche by Eyitemi Egwuenu - [103 words]
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Naming Of Farts
My Suicide by Kristen Gail Diana Ritthaler Its about a suicide... hence the title.. [100 words]
Love Is Love Is Love by Desdemonda - [67 words]
Love, Actually by Desdemonda - [60 words]
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A Passionate Kiss by Dan Lemmond This is a poem that I wrote for my future wife Brandi. [150 words]
A New Moon ----Serenade by Eyitemi Egwuenu - [66 words]

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TITLE (EDIT)
Naming Of Farts
DESCRIPTION
Apologies to Henry Reed....
[243 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Humor
AUTHOR
Harvey Kennett
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Wallace (We are Legion)
[November 2007]
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
hkintheuk@hotmail.com
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (23)
Architects Of Our Own Demise (Short Stories) Man questions God for answers... and God replies... [369 words] [Horror]
Behind The Wheel (Short Stories) Tirenedness kills...take a break ! [556 words] [Horror]
Biding Its Time (Short Stories) Sometimes, you cannot rush Nature... [836 words] [Horror]
Birthday Boy (Short Stories) Younger children place a great importance to their Birthdays. An importance that adults should never underestimate... [967 words] [Horror]
Can You Trust Us Strangers ? (Short Stories) Your life is not your own... [304 words] [Science Fiction]
Divine Domain (Short Stories) The search for God takes many forms, not least of which is the Internet. A young man stumbles across God's Domain on the Web. This short story is the result of his "First Contact". [1,471 words] [Humor]
Eating Babies (Short Stories) Forgive the title...it just seemed appropriate for this disturbing little tale... [1,074 words] [Horror]
Elegant Provisions (Short Stories) Everyone is looking for the "perfect recipe"...here is a personal favourite...bon appetit ! [420 words] [Horror]
Eternal Diary (Poetry) Your clock is ticking... [123 words]
Goodnight Sweet Kevin (Short Stories) It concerns me that we, as a species, follow trends and "buzzwords", and anyone who dares to question the self-styled Hierophants of the Press and Govenment is crucified at the Altar of Supposed Freed... [603 words] [Science Fiction]
Lost In Space...Beagle 2 (Short Stories) The true story of Beagle 2 ? Apologies to Yanks in general... [1,105 words] [Science Fiction]
Man Skin (Short Stories) When you sleep, what happens to your dreams ? [776 words] [Horror]
Morning Comes (Poetry) Authorís Notes: This poem was written some 16 years ago, one morning when I woke from a beautiful dream. I imagined that my long-distance girlfriend who I only saw once a year was cuddled up in my ar... [65 words] [Romance]
Nobody Heard Me (Short Stories) If you found this when you returned home, how would you react ? [577 words] [Horror]
Some Body (Short Stories) Two lovers collide.... [220 words] [Humor]
The First Cut Was The Last (Short Stories) One man's irrational fear following a shocking discovery. [813 words] [Horror]
The Last Revelation (Short Stories) An alternative look at when we die... [883 words]
The Model (Poetry) ...incoming transmission... [167 words] [Science Fiction]
The Voyage (Poetry) We can all sail a calm sea, but life is about how we deal with the obstacles in our path. [130 words] [Self-Help]
This Golden Age (Poetry) I have met many folks who were unhappy with the time they were born in to. This poem is dedicated to them... [164 words] [Animal]
This Green And Sterile Land (Poetry) The UK coined the term "The Industrial Revolution". Once the wheel had turned full circle from unemeployment to employment and then back again, Britain eventually lost it's industrial edge and the fac... [154 words]
Words To Die For... (Short Stories) The story of one man's obsession with words.... [571 words] [Horror]
You Don't Have To Talk... (Short Stories) When you are shy, and cannot find the words to say, say nothing. [607 words] [Relationships]
Naming Of Farts
Harvey Kennett

Today, we have naming of farts. Yesterday,
We had the Command fart. And tomorrow morning,
We shall have the Stutter fart. But today,
Today we have naming of farts. Prune juice
Beckons in the plastic cups provided,
        And today we have naming of farts.

That was a Cushioned fart. And this
Is the Bullet fart, whose sound you will hear,
When you have been eating beans. And this is the Splatter fart,
Which in your case, you do not want. The cups
Hold the prune juice, waiting for consumption,
        Which in our case, we have not got.

This is the Ghost fart, which is always released
By an unknown assailant. And please do not let me
See anyone squeezing their cheeks. You can do it quite easy
If you have any strength left in your bum. The prune juice
Is primed and waiting, like a grenade
        Ready for detonation.

And this is the S.B.D. The purpose of this
Is to disable the enemy quietly. You can use it
Covertly, when the risk of detection is too high. We call this
Silent But Deadly. And waiting on the table,
The cups of prune juice stand to attention.
        They are Silent, but Deadly.

They call it Silent But Deadly. It is perfectly easy
If you have any strength in your bum : Like the Splatterer,
And the Rumbler, and the Oh My God, and the Omen,
Which in our case we have not done; and the prune juice stands,
Silent in all the cups and the gas masks laying beside them,
        For today we have naming of farts.

 

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"LOVED IT!!! It's really good to see a writer with a sense of humor these days. Keep em' coming." -- david doc byron , fartsville, ind, usa.

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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2003 Harvey Kennett
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
December 2003
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
1478
 

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