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A 12 year old boy has a peculiar, reoccuring dream about, of all things, a cow. To discover its meaning, he joins the 4-H club, travels to India, discovers the real cause of Mad Cow Disease.... and makes a little money along the way.
Duane A Wood/Caveman
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
Duane A Wood/Caveman
Some have found this story hard to believe. Most of my friends have stopped associating with me because I continue to tell this story. But, it is a price I have been willing to pay. The stakes are too high. It is a story that must be told.
When I was young man, say around 12 years old, I lived on a small farm in the area that is now called Toro Park. Our simple two room house was nestled next to the hills down by the Salinas river. (Very close to where the CHP office is located on the Salinas-Monterey Highway.) My mother, sister, a dozen or so chickens, two pigs, a sway-back horse, an old ugly dog named Zeke, were the other members of my humble, little family. We were simple people, living a simple life, in a simple place. And life could have continued this way forever as far as I was concerned.
However, destiny has a funny way of taking simplistic people, living simplistic lives, from simplistic places -- and having her way with them. And being 12 years old, I was ignorant of destiny and the subtle ways she weaves her web of influence on those for whom she has plans. All I knew was, I was having the same dream, night after night, about some stupid cow.
Unlike most boys my age who were having dreams about girls, cars, girls and cars, girls in cars, girls driving cars, etc., I was having dreams about ... a cow. Not a cow and girl, or a cow driving a car, or anything remotely interesting. Just, a cow. It was very frustrating. Every night I would
dream that this black and white Jersey cow, quietly grazing in a field, would suddenly pick its head-up, see me standing across the river, and begin running across the field at full speed. When it reached the Salinas River it jumped the entire span and continued running until it was standing in front of me, nose-to-nose. And then... it just stood there... and stared at me. Night after night, nothing but a staring cow. I felt like this cow was trying to communicate to me, but it never said a word. After a week or so I started to shout, "Hey, this is MY dream! Talk to me you stupid cow!" Nothing happened. After several weeks I decided I needed some help.
But, I knew better than to tell my mother about my dream. She watched WAY to many TV talk shows. I just knew she would say the cow, being big, slow, and heavy, symbolized a heavy, guilt ridden conscience and the face-to-face confrontation with the cow represented my intense desire to both confront myself and share the pain... so healing could begin. No, this was way too serious for my mother to handle. And besides, I was not in the mood to be psychoanalyzed by mommy. So, I sought help from the only place I could think of -- the 4-H Club. I thought if I joined the 4-H Club, and learned as much as I could about cows, I might be able to interrupt this puzzling dream about the staring cow.
Soon after joining the club, I met a girl named Suzy. Suzy was a year tounger than me, but she was very cute. Over time, we got to know one another and I soon discovered that she too was having dreams about a black and white cow. So, we decided to study together and learn as much about bovine as we could. After a few weeks the puzzling dream about the staring Jersey cow suddenly stopped. Then I started having dreams about Suzy.
Several years later, Susan and I got married. During our honeymoon, we traveled on the Orient Express and saw much of Asia Minor and Europe. While we were in New Deli, we happened upon an old Hindu temple and decided to explore the old ruins. While admiring an ancient sculpture on the temple wall, I suddenly heard someone softly, quietly, almost in a whisper, speak my name. Immediately, a cold shiver ran up my spine. But, it was quickly followed by a warn, soothing sense of peace and tranquillity.
The one who spoke my name said he was a guru and knew me very well, even though we had never met. He explained that our impromptu trip to this temple was not unexpected and my youthful dreams of the running, staring cow were messages from the Hindu god, Bovinzia. Bovinza was looking for someone very special to deliver a divine message to the world. Wrath and divine judgment was coming. Bovinzia was going unleash a plague called Mad Cow Disease upon the people of the earth if the slaughter of cows for food was not stopped. And I alone have been chosen above all others to bring this message to the world.
So, at Susan’s insistence, I accepted the calling. Now, I am the messenger of Bovinzia, Lord of the Bovine. I travel throughout the world with Bovinzia’s message of salvation and hope for the bovine, and impending divine wrath if the world does not renounce its carnivorous ways. Bovinzia’s message MUST be heeded.
For information on how you can help spread Bovinza’s message or to become a member of the Royal Herd of Bovinzia, please call 1-900-BOVINZA (1-900-268-4602). $4.50/min. If you are under 18, please ask for your parents permission.
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© 1998 Duane A Wood/Caveman
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