www.storymania.com
Storymania Logo

 

 

Short Stories




Beyond Death by Robert A Ferguson A short piece on a love reaching through war and beyond death. [275 words]
The Man by Mike McWade The Man takes a break from the stiffs at work only to run into more. [1,243 words]
The Ballerina by Ashley Miranda Mary loves ballet and studies at a ballet school, but she sure is shaken up when she finds out th... [1,333 words]
The Exploits Of Tal'on Kepp by Michael Harris This is a short story set in my Chronicles of Zefaria series. I hope that all enjo... [2,542 words]
Better With Age by J Shartzer A young couple enjoy their new home, and a barrel of brandy... [1,117 words]
Randy And Sarah by Z E S Carothers A story about two young kids. A boy that lives by himself in the forest and a girl that is his ... [3,211 words]
You Don't Have To Talk... by Harvey Kennett When you are shy, and cannot find the words to say, say nothing. [607 words]
Wto Rally The Final by E Rocco Caldwell Joe has a rude awakening. [548 words]
Why Must You by Lucy Midnight - [1,593 words]
What If I... by Lucy Midnight Campfire Tales. [1,076 words]
Waiting In The Desert by Mihai Pruna The caravan pulled off the interstate on a county road. Soon they abandoned that as well ... [1,850 words]
The Unwanted by Lucy Midnight Campfire Tales. [2,159 words]
The Tower by P J Francis A man wrestles with his actions. [226 words]
The Sucidal Games by Lucy Midnight Internet Relations. [1,029 words]
The Story Of The Blanket by Patti Merrill A short story. [668 words]
The Spectator by Harry Buschman The story of a deaf man's contribution to the war on terror. [2,240 words]
The Rich Little Chipmunk by John C Popiel This is a story about how a five dollar bill travels through three different people an... [707 words]
The Mansion by Laura Depriest This is a short story for young readers about aging and leading a full life in the context of livin... [2,923 words]
The Magic Lamp by Somdev Mukherjee A story about Varun - a little boy brought up in a busy modern city with all its problems for th... [1,092 words]
The Holly Tree by P J Francis A dark fantasy tale. [1,399 words]
The Guitar Man by Jason Taylor The Bloodman A war veteran flips out. [499 words]
The Friends by Lucy Midnight ... [1,416 words]
The Forces Between by Lucy Midnight ... [977 words]
The Cubicle by D G Williford Working in a box and what is does to the psyche... [104 words]
The Adventuresof Archie 5b - The Army Surplus Salesman's Tale by Xoggoth Continued. [1,116 words]
The Adventures Of Archie 7 - The Puzzleman's Tale by Xoggoth Archie finds he is not alone in the valley. He shares it with... [2,988 words]
The Adventures Of Archie 6 - A Peaceful Solution by Xoggoth Following a Little Boy explosion Archie find himself on a deso... [1,271 words]
The Adventures Of Archie 5a - The Army Surplus Salesman by Xoggoth Archie learns the truth they try and keep from us, that... [913 words]
The Adventures Of Archie 4b - The Great Regurgitato's Tale by Xoggoth Continued. [823 words]
The Adventures Of Archie 4a - The Great Regurgitato by Xoggoth Achie learns of the greats of bodily functions and meets th... [781 words]
The Adventures Of Archie 3 - The Spider Catcher's Tale.
The Adventures Of Archie 2 - The Little Demon's Tale by Xoggoth A hell spawned satanic creature identifies too much with m... [901 words]
The Adventures Of Archie 1 - The Great Escape by Xoggoth A sort of Alice in Wonderland meets Canterbury Tales sort of thin... [473 words]
Test Song by Jeff T Kane An alien invasion seen from a religious ant's point of view. [5,341 words]
Te Quiero by Lucy Midnight Hannah and her boyfriend Cody are getting serious when Hannah learns that Cody has cancer. [1,108 words]
Room 86b by Lucy Midnight ... [2,284 words]
Right Place, Wrong Time by Maggie Danials A story about sex. [487 words]
Retribution And New Beginnings by Erasmus Flynt Secrets will out. [8,764 words]
Radia by Z E S Carothers The begining of one of my books. Tell me what you think about it. [814 words]
On The Bus To Town by Sam Vaknin The announcer warns of imminent terrorist attacks on public transport. It recommends to err ... [2,713 words]
Nightmare by Inchara Incident faced by a girl returning home late in the evening. [1,268 words]
Monty On The Run by James Bondjamesbond The second instalment - Monty in deeper water. [1,226 words]
Miranda And Her Doll by P J Francis A sweet little girl...or is she? [1,187 words]
Love Of The Mountains Or So They Thought by Lucy Midnight ... [1,335 words]
Like Ocean's Eleven by Higgins This story takes place in a military setting, mainly Point Barrow, Alaska. Russian officers... [1,414 words]
It Happens by Lucy Midnight - [1,634 words]
Introducing Monty Finch by James Bondjamesbond This is the first chapter of my Monty Finch series. In this first instalment our hero f... [2,432 words]
In Capable Hands by Erasmus Flynt Or are we? [212 words]
Hunters Moon by P J Francis A creature is hunted. [1,768 words]
Hook by Amanda Connison Written for the PA Govenor's School. [1,855 words]
Gold by P J Francis Lost hopes... [243 words]
Girls Vs. Boys by Lucy Midnight Madison and her boyfriend Scott break up and then he asks her to marry him and she declines. She... [2,015 words]
Girl In The Rain by Rowan Davies We always think of ourselves as individuals, until we notice that there are other individuals ... [505 words]
Expectations by Jacson A Bevens A tale about what can happen when expectations are laid aside and feelings take over. [1,220 words]
Devastation 2 by Buxton The journal piece of the only women left after the end of the world. 34 year old Emily Carter's d... [448 words]
Deep Fur by Jeff T Kane The downfall of a corrupt lion judge in Long Island. [6,460 words]
Cluedon't by Tomphil Baed on the popular board game, what will happen when Edward and his wife go round to play Cluedo wit... [3,567 words]
Black Widow by Lucy Midnight Kayli, Becky, and Eddy are three sisters that lose their only living relative left. Kayli and Eddy ... [3,096 words]
Being An Atheist Is Hard by Aaron Horn A guy spills the beans to his mom that he doesn't believe in good ol God. [626 words]
Bare Facts by Partha Pratim Majumder When western culture and western fashion representing economic power of West has been making serious... [1,461 words]
At A Wto Rally by E Rocco Caldwell - [853 words]
At A Wto Rally (Part Three) by E Rocco Caldwell Joe gets his first lesson as to what is the consortium. [435 words]
At A Wto Rally 4 by E Rocco Caldwell Joe confront the internal workings of the consortium. [723 words]
Allefureine by Tomphil A story about a clash of cultures between a race of alien creatures and humans. [463 words]
Alice In Wonderland by Katy Pierce It's a newer version of Alice in Wonderland . . . Alice goes to a party, gets druggged, and... [782 words]
A Tough Day-1 by Sukesh Srivastava A common,innocent man when caught in a tricky situation with the police authorities, finds himsel... [3,142 words]
A Stroll Through The Beach Sands by Ravikumar Hariharan About how we lose innocence with age. [553 words]
A Perfect Crime by P J Francis One womans vengenance as a perfect crime. [1,048 words]
A Marriage Made In Heaven by P J Francis A tale of revenge. [936 words]
A Beheaded Cart by Sam Vaknin My grandfather had one love: my grandmother. A ravishing, proud, raven-haired woman. A framed r... [1,508 words]

Go to page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 [27] 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49
TITLE (EDIT)
The Adventures Of Archie 3 - The Spider Catcher's Tale.
DESCRIPTION
Archie escapes from the paralysing purple and find himself in a world where an avoidable infestation has eaten all the perspective. There he meets the spider catcher and learns why ballroom dancing is fatal for rats.
[1,313 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Humor
AUTHOR
Xoggoth
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
-
[March 2004]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (25)
A Capital Fart (Short Stories) The redundant London underground is pressed into service to win a world farting contest. [736 words] [Humor]
A Wrong Turn Somewhere (Short Stories) Somewhere near Birmingham a driver takes a wrong turn and loses everything. [492 words] [Mystical]
Amnesty (Short Stories) A gun amnesty in a rough borough of London goes idiotically wrong. [561 words] [Comedy]
Arnie (Short Stories) A little labourer has a terminator approach to his work. [646 words] [Humor]
Back To The Garden (Short Stories) Depressing the extent to which everything is being dumbed down these days. Poor state education? Is that all it is? [527 words] [Mind]
Changing To Go Out (Short Stories) In the aftermath of the genetic bomb, a simple night at the pictures with the missus is no easy task. [444 words] [Humor]
God's Trainees (Short Stories) Him upstairs is thinking of retiring, all he needs to do is train up some suitable replacements. Easier said than done. They just don't make deities the way the used to. [1,570 words] [Humor]
Mementoes Of Treasured Occasions (Short Stories) A struggling photographer finds a rich new source of business. [496 words] [Humor]
Providing For Sarah (Short Stories) A desolate man finds comfort in an imaginary (?) companion. But who will care for her when he's gone? [883 words] [Mind]
Sex Life Of The Amoeba (Short Stories) A serious paper on cellular mytosis in a well known eukarytic organism. The dirty little... [1,108 words] [Humor]
Soup (Short Stories) A soup manufacturer ends life on Earth. [514 words] [Comedy]
The Adventures Of Archie 1 - The Great Escape (Short Stories) A sort of Alice in Wonderland meets Canterbury Tales sort of thing but sillier than the former and even more boring than the latter. In episode 1 our elderly rabbit hero escapes his hutch and disappe... [473 words] [Humor]
The Adventures Of Archie 2 - The Little Demon's Tale (Short Stories) A hell spawned satanic creature identifies too much with men and falls to their level. [901 words] [Humor]
The Adventures Of Archie 4a - The Great Regurgitato (Short Stories) Achie learns of the greats of bodily functions and meets the greatest of them all. [781 words] [Humor]
The Adventures Of Archie 4b - The Great Regurgitato's Tale (Short Stories) Continued. [823 words] [Humor]
The Adventures Of Archie 5a - The Army Surplus Salesman (Short Stories) Archie learns the truth they try and keep from us, that being disembowelled is fun, meets a descendant of the Piltdown man and travels to the army surplus fair to find Little Boy is no bargain. [913 words]
The Adventures Of Archie 6 - A Peaceful Solution (Short Stories) Following a Little Boy explosion Archie find himself on a desolate plain and meets two tribes who are too stupid to realise that war and bloodshed are by far the most efficient means of resolving disp... [1,271 words] [Humor]
The Adventures Of Archie 7 - The Puzzleman's Tale (Short Stories) Archie finds he is not alone in the valley. He shares it with a man in a very strange prison. You have to endure a little homily on man's inhumanity to decorating materials first. [2,988 words] [Humor]
The Adventuresof Archie 5b - The Army Surplus Salesman's Tale (Short Stories) Continued. [1,116 words]
The Fly And... (Short Stories) That Geoff Goldblum had it easy! One fly?? I should have been so lucky! [483 words] [Humor]
The Horrid Tale Of Evil Worm (Short Stories) A rare accident in the vegetable patch transforms a humble earthworm into a satanic being. [1,158 words]
The Several Voyages Of Fat Tony (Short Stories) Foul deeds on the dead sea coast get their richly deserved comeuppance. [1,377 words]
The Two Bills (Short Stories) William Shakespeare fails to get to grips with Microsoft Word. [777 words]
Vomiting On Tony (Short Stories) The Mad Messiah (AKA Tony Blair) gets what he thoroughly deserves. [499 words] [Humor]
Your Little God Is Pooh And Creepy Too (Short Stories) Only the innocent find salvation. In the run up to the revelation the kids of St Crispin's Middle School are introduced to their own little salvations. PS I know Buddha was not a god, it's creative l... [1,442 words] [Humor]
The Adventures Of Archie 3 - The Spider Catcher's Tale.
Xoggoth

Archie hated purple. He liked things to be coloured purple, who doesn't? but he hated purple. It made him open-minded and he didn't like that one bit. He had once swallowed a little bit of purple by accident in his bran and for days afterwards had been so open minded he was unable to hop. Was it really necessary for hopping to move the back legs like that? That was the way he and every other rabbit had done it since rabbits began, but was that proof? Maybe legs and hops were entirely unrelated and the link was a false one based on coincidence. On the other hand... He lay in a paralysis of indecision. Most people (except accountants obviously), having ingested the same relative dose would have recovered quickly, but we all know what nasty feeding habits rabbits have and he kept re-ingesting it. That particular habit, already requiring about as much open-mindedness as you can possibly get, was not affected by the purple. Archie lay transfixed by ambivalence in his purple pool of purple (purple is not always coloured purple, although it usually is) for a thousand days until the tide went out and those surroundings receded.

The world was flat in those parts and he was on a flat plain in the middle of it. The flatness was not readily apparent, as all the perspective had been eaten by a plague of Spatial Beetles. The inhabitants had been warned not to encourage them but, because the beetles were warm and cuddly, had persisted in leaving out tasty titbits of Euclidean theorems and signed photos of Stephen Hawkin. Everything appeared the same size regardless of how far away you got. Worse, since the angle subtended at the eye by one foot of ground was the same whether that foot was one inch or a thousand miles away, there were no horizons and the land apparently curved upwards into the sky, wrapping round and round itself in a bewildering kaleidoscope of scenery in which near objects were obscured by far objects. The only saving grace in this confusion was the atmospheric dust; far objects could be distinguished from much nearer ones by their misty appearance.

Archie threaded his way between the dismal little shacks to the nearest one. There was a sign on the door. "Licensed Spider Catcher". A wizened and very sad old man greeted Archie like an old friend. As they sat on the veranda drinking the local beverage brewed from cement and knitting needles the old man said, "Expect you'd like to 'ear my story." Not really, thought Archie but as he could not speak (that would be ridiculous, he was a rabbit) the old man continued.

The Spider Catcher's tale.

I used to be a rat catcher once but there just wasn't the money in it. I mean, anyone who can dance a decent tango can catch a rat, they are always far too partial to a bit of ballroom dancing. Put on the old Victor Sylvester and they're anybody's. Whirl one out on to the dance floor, make it feel relaxed by asking if it comes here often and telling it it dances divinely, then bang! Over the little whiskery head with a saucepan. The daftest thing is, you can do that to loads of 'em in full view and there will still be dozens more of 'em stood around the walls like little brown wallflowers fluttering their eyelids and hoping to attract a partner.

So anyways, I branched sideways into spiders. We did our basic training on fake spiders made of rope and old rolls of wallpaper. My first ever proper job with a live spider was in that big 'ouse on the 'ill there. He pointed at a nearby mansion mistily visible behind a distant mountain range. They 'ad this big 'un, seven footer it were at least, as used to live on top of their dresser. Kept on eating their kids. Got through four of the poor little buggers before they called me in. Mean as 'ell they was. Think it was more to do with the bones fallin' on their antique china collection than 'cos of any real concern with their offspring that they got me in at all.

That spider was a real vicious one. It had just captured the fifth of their six kids and was starting to suck its brains out when I got there. Having a bit of a struggle too. From what I heard later the kid was a bit dense. Two years behind at school, and that meant its brain was going to be pretty tough sucking. Anyhow, the spider sucked like mad, and you could see the kid's eyes sort of drawing into the sockets. Then the spider, its spiracles all flushed with the effort, would stop for a breather and those eyes would pop out again. Put me in mind of one of those jumping spiders that you work by squeezing a bulb but in reverse. Kind of funny in a way, unless you like kids of course. I didn't, and neither did its parents so we all had a bit of a chuckle over it.

You might think it pretty dangerous dealing wiv a spider that sort of size. Actually there ain't hardly no problem at all when they are feeding. Not that we would tell our clients that, we have to justify our fees after all. One track minded see? Sucking seems to be all their little brains can focus on. So I just sticks the step ladder up next to the dresser, puts the rope around its thorax and hauled it off. Being careful not to damage their china of course, they was very particular about that. Tied it up in their garage. Not much I could do with the kid, he was a gonna, big 'ole in is 'ead see?, so I bunged 'im in the dustbin. His mum come running out all upset and shouting at me that I couldn't do that. The dustmen 'ad just been and it was 'ot weather. Made me take it to the dump.

Then they wanted me to dispose of the spider. Told 'em I couldn’t, as I was only a licensed catcher. If they wanted a licensed exterminator that would cost a whole lot more and they would be lucky to get one this side of Christmas. They kicked up a fuss at first, but after a while, looking at the spider sitting there so quiet like they do, they calmed down. They looked at the spider, then at their remaining offspring who was covered in chocolate and screaming fit to bust.

They kept the spider, called it Cyril and put its name down for Eton. Fed the remaining little brat to it. Sensible choice in my view. Looked in from time to time to see Cyril over the years. Well, 'e was my first real case and I 'ad a soft spot for 'im. I was 'is godfather you know. Training to be a corporate lawyer now. I suppose blood sucking is in 'is blood.

The old man nodded off and began to snore. It was an irritating noise like a piece of new chalk on a blackboard. It put Archie's teeth on edge. After a few minutes his teeth were so on edge they went right over it. His gums followed a minute later, followed by his head, his neck, his abdomen and so on. His little white tail stayed on the veranda alone for nearly twenty minutes sipping on Archie's cocktail. If you spend your life perched just above someone's bumhole you get fairly insensitive to things. It might have stayed there and carved out a new life on its own if it hadn't got so sozzled. While looking for a fresh Maraschino cherry it too teetered off the edge and plummeted after the rest of Archie.

 

READER'S REVIEWS (1)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.

"How bizarre! Douglas Adams is either very proud or rolling in his grace God rest his soul" -- Craig.

TO DELETE UNWANTED REVIEWS CLICK HERE! (SELECT "MANAGE TITLE REVIEWS" ACTION)

Submit Your Review for The Adventures Of Archie 3 - The Spider Catcher's Tale.
Required fields are marked with (*).
Your e-mail address will not be displayed.

Your Name*     E-mail*

City     State/Province     Country

Your Review (please be constructive!)*


Please Enter Code*:

Submit Your Rating for The Adventures Of Archie 3 - The Spider Catcher's Tale.

Worst     1     2     3     4     5     6     7     8     9     10     Best

COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2003 Xoggoth
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
March 2004
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
1597
 

Copyright © 1998-2001 Storymania Technologies Limited. All Rights Reserved.