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Reflections And Modern Man
The dispersed thoughts of a man who just experienced a divorce.
Interesting teenage female who enjoys tapping into the mind of persons who has lived through various experience alien to her.
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Reflections And Modern Man
Society is like a big shell of enclosed factors which recycles duplicates of “organisms” fighting a futile battle for a real identity or purpose. David felt this way. He was unable to perceive himself as an individual nor anyone else around him who were associated with the destructive force called the environment. All his life he has been susceptible to pressure: not stereotypically by peers, only because those were elements alien to his existence, but by a compelling force determined to break his greatness. Life was never enough.
Common to most humans, he wanted more, not only from life but from the people around him who grew more and more predictable as well as blatantly boring by night. This need for exciting allusions grew, as with his age, until, after 56 years of life, he realized that he needed to attain more from himself. Wisdom need not have much to do with age, but is acquired by experiences where essential lessons, which evolve into valuable knowledge is learnt, thus, enhancing the quality of the character. His “experiences”, however, were few, but experiences in this context, can be socially defined as the various encounters a person endures which shape their perception of life and reality, but in the deeper outlook, where one’s experiences can be dependant on another’s, feeding and learning from the parental form, morals can be learnt, thus becoming part of the nurtured psyche where he absorbs and interprets the situations presented to him, indirectly.
In this retrospect, David grew. Through observation and thorough analysis of human behavior and their experiences, they became his source where further analysis were conducted, resulting in detailed hypotheses, fully stored and protected within the depths of his spirit, now patently his. When he spoke, he brought those people to life since, in his words, they were reflected, combined with jagged pieces of his collected personality, molded into one voice, one being, one soul, David.
Hence the need for more. There was no searching for his true identity now. That would be a shallow and lost quest, wasting precious time and effort. He knew this. He also knew and accepted that nature had played an important part in his life as he spent his whole life studying the influence of society on individuals, whether destructive or detrimental, there was no optimistic result. He was a sociologist, he knew this. It was a futile as well as silly for a man to attempt to separate himself from nature so the issue of searching for identity and individualism was indeed and inevitable failure.
He did not seek this. Unable to define what he wanted, he hosted sessions of self reflection, a desperate measure to focus on himself and the “more” that edged him to obsessive determination. Submerged into the dark, lonely corners of the earth, he wrote himself out…sometimes making little progress and other times, allowed his conceitedness to prevail, coming to the conclusion that maybe he did not belong in this earth – that there was another planet fit for his level of intellect or understanding, not academically defined, but define by the quality of his knowledge.
Maybe this attitude drove his wife to divorce. Her inability to provide an appropriate reason which related to their marital situation usually urged him to that conclusion, but he was sure the neighbors would have said otherwise. He never did understand her and her needs, only her physical ones were obvious and coincided with his, but being a typical woman, she too wanted more, more of something he was unable to neither give her nor realize himself. However, paradoxically, things always seem clearer from a distance and the only moments they developed a “better” understanding of each other were the time they were courting and three years after their divorce. Yet Martha always symbolized some sort of figure which complicated his complications which made things even more complicating all the less.
Suddenly a stream of pain probed his frontal lobes caused, almost indefinitely in David’s point of view, by his ponderance of the idea. This ended his session for the night.
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© 2006 Kristal O-Garrow
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