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The Unknown Woman
The Ironic Side Step
Go to page: 1 
A simple anti-war protest goes awry in front of a federal building.
Drew Michael Current
Drew Michael Current writes short play and movies from his one bedroom appartment. His writings are a look at everyday life, political or just personal experience. Other comedies he has written include: "Auditioning for the Soul", "Jordan's Tables", and "End Scene".
Drew's over all theme for his writings is: Everything is funny, wheather it's funny or not.
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
Drew Michael Current
Four protestors, HIPPIE 1, HIPPIE 2, HIPPIE 3, and HIPPIE 4, stand in front of a federal building (The White House, Post office, etc…), each holding a picket sign. The signs say something like: NO WAR, PEACE IN IRAQ, WAR IS HELL, and “W” STANDS FOR WAR. The four protestors are walking in a circle chanting “NO WAR, NO WAR…and so on. They are dressed in earth toned Salvation Army clothing. Or wearing what ever hippies wear nowadays.
(The following lines are delivered while the rest of the characters continue to chant “NO WAR!”)
We are not being told: Why!!!?
Our government is running our lives!!!
We are not soldiers we are human beings!!!
We need peace in the world. Not war!!!
(They all continue to chant “NO WAR!” After a short moment EARL enters from stage right holding a large bag filled with three blank picket signs. He interrupts their chanting.)
Hey! Is it cool if I protest with you guys?
Any one can join our cause. We are all Americans here.
(They all continue the “No War” chant while Earl gets out a marker and begins to write on his blank sign.)
Hey, uh…what are we protesting?
(The others look a little confused)
The war in Iraq.
Oh okay, perfect.
(He draws on the sign. The others chant. After a moment of chanting, Earl puts his sign up. It reads: I FUCKING HATE GEORGE W! He then starts chanting and joining the circle with the other protestors. After a moment the others see his sign and become a little distracted by it.)
(Hippie 3 stops protesting and approaches Earl. The others slowly stop chanting as well.)
(Getting interrupted from his chanting.)
Don’t you think that’s um…maybe a little inappropriate?
Well…your picket signs.
Do you think?
I just don’t think it really fits.
(He puts the picket sign to his side.)
So…Not this then?
Well…we are protesting, and we do want to get people’s attention, we just think that’s maybe a little overboard man.
Oh okay. I’m sorry I’ll write something else then.
That’s cool brother.
(They continue with their chanting circle while Earl writes something on another blank picket sign. After another moment of chanting, Earl puts up his new sign. It reads:
I SORT OF FUCKING HATE GEORGE W!)
(They all stop chanting.)
Look man we don’t want to offend anyone.
Yea man, I just don’t want to go to war. Ya know? I mean that’s all.
Could you just take out the swearing maybe?
Of course…I’m sorry I just get a little passionate about stuff, and well you know.
Yea brother, I hear ya.
I’m sorry. Do you guys want a beer or something?
(Grabs a beer out of his bag.)
(The protesters look a little uncomfortable.)
Uh…No thanks, No not really.
Shit, I’ll have one.
(The other protestors look at Hippie 4 with extreme, unapproved looks.)
(He sees their faces and changes his mind.)
I mean…I…don’t want a beer.
(Becomes a little depressed.)
No takers? That’s cool.
(Opens his beer and chugs it. All the protestors watch in disbelief for the entire chugging. When he finishes the beer he crushes it in his hand, and lets out a huge burp that startles the others.)
Whooooeeeeee!!! Lets do some motherfuckin’ protestin’!!!
(The hippies look embarrassed and disgusted.)
(Deciding to forget about it.)
Come on my brothers and sisters! Let us end this war!
Could you just say siblings? I’m offended by gender separation.
Oh of course, I apologize.
I love you poo poo.
I love you pee pee.
(The two cheesy hippies look at each other and smile.)
(Just getting done chugging another beer.)
I’m really sorry guys. I’ll write something else. You’re right it is a little bit offensive. I don’t know what came over me. It’s just the passion. Ya know?
I hear ya…again.
(They all circle and chant; while Earl is writing something else on another blank sign. With a moment of chanting, he stands and circles. This sign reads: I HATE DIRTY HIPPIES.)
Ok! Now that is just mean! We’re trying to save the world, and you just shit on us like we’re nothing.
(Breaks down and begins to cry.)
(Consoling Hippie 3)
You asshole! You made him cry! You can’t just come in to our protest just to ruin it.
Yea! Who the hell do you think you are? First you write those horribly offensive picket signs? Then you make fun of us and call us dirty? We will not stand for that. You prick!!
Yea. That’s bullshit man.
Oh my God…I’m sorry. Are you guy’s hippies?
(They all look at each other and think.)
Uh…Well…I guess we are.
I’m offended by…
(Thinks for a second.)
Look! I had no idea you were all hippies. I should of known though.
Oh and why is that?!
Because you smell like shit and you bitch and moan a lot.
Hold the phone people! Calm down a little bit. I can sense that some of you are having your period, and…
That’s it!! I’m done protesting!!
Yea let’s get out of here…this isn’t cool any more man…I’m leaving too…Fucking asshole!
(They all exit stage right. Earl is emotionless while he chugs another beer. HIPPIE 4 comes back. Enters stage right.)
Hey man…Uh…Could I get one of those beers?
Oh, of course, here ya go.
(Hands him a beer. Hippie 4 exits stage right again, very happy.)
There goes one happy hippie.
(From stage left enters George W. We hear “Hail to the Chief” playing in the background to signify that he is actually the President of the United States.)
What happened to the protestors?
(George pulls out a one-hundred dollar bill.)
Well, then you get to meet my friend Van Burin.
(He pulls on both ends of the bill)
You did a subtabulous job son.
I think its Ben Franklin.
Yer Ben Franklin.
(George W. laughs at his cleaver “come-back”)
Well…I gotta go act like I’m actually running the country now. I’ll see ya on the side flipper!
(George exits stage left. Earl sits there, pulls out another beer, and holds it in the air. George re enters.)
Hey! Could I get one of them…Oh, thanks.
(George grabs the beer and starts to exit but stops and turn around.)
Hey! You wanna smoke some drugs er somethin’?
EARL I thought you’d never ask Mr. President.
(They walk off holding hands and skipping.)
|READER'S REVIEWS (5)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"I thought this was very funny. It has a nice satirical value to it. It's not democrat nor is it republican. It makes fun of conservatives but it also makes fun of liberals. As a liberatarian I would suggest this play." -- Patrick.
"Drew is a very talented young writer. I really like this play. It is very fitting to what's going on in the world today. I hope to see more plays by Drew Current on this site." -- Mark , Coffeyville, KS, USA.
"This play was clever and funny but I'm still trying to figure out what side the writer is on. Does he really not like people trying to change the world or is he just a sucker for satire? And another question: How come the hippies didn't drink beer? " -- Veronica, New York, New York, America.
"i dont think that this play was 'funny' as it was just plain offenceve to both to americans...n to hippys i also do not understand why the hippies didnt drink the beer?? i am aslo having problems with tryin to understand tha point or meaning of the whole play." -- Jane, perth, w.a, australia.
"Jane Perth from Australia can eat pooh! That play is a riot!" -- mark, coffeyville, ks, USA.
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© 2002 Drew Michael Current
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